Navigating the New: Dealing with Change

Sometimes dealing with change in life has a way of shattering your hope when you least expect it. The unsettling storms of life cause chaos, confusion, and uncertainty. The unexpected start of a new chapter can make us feel lost, confused, and unsure of how to move forward. Life changes cause us to learn something new. They can cause ripple effects in our souls.

Some examples of life changes include:

• The loss of someone close to you
• The loss of someone with whom you desired a relationship (such as an estranged parent)
• The birth of a new child
• The loss of what once was in your marriage
• A falling out with a sibling or close friend whom you talked to daily
• Changing duty stations in the military when it finally felt like “home”
• Changing to a different position at work
• When your firstborn goes off to college
• When you become empty nesters
• When you face a medical diagnosis that alters your life in some way
• When a family member or loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness
• When there is a large financial setback

Dealing with Change: Things to Remember

Here are some things to consider if you are dealing with change, whether you’re currently facing a life change, knee-deep in the chaos of a life change, or heading toward a new chapter of life changes:

Life changes affect everyone differently.

When you have your first child, navigate obstacles of parenthood and marriage, or adjust to changing jobs or dealing with a new medical diagnosis, it is important to realize that your story is unique to you. While everyone faces changes and battles of their own, it is vital not to compare how to process what you are feeling during the closing of one chapter and the start of a new one.

It is important not to be hard on yourself if you feel and process things differently. For example, when your firstborn goes off to college, your husband may be excited for them and you may be overcome with feelings of sadness. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. You can be sad for a few days, and that is okay.

Process your feelings. Too often, people try to bottle up their feelings because they feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, ashamed, or alone in admitting what their soul is screaming. It is okay to have different feelings but permit yourself to feel. Cry, scream, shout, fall on your knees and pray, talk to a friend – let yourself feel.

Sometimes even the most joyous events overwhelm with doubt.

Life events like getting married or the birth of a child are undoubtedly two of the most joyful life changes that mold, shape, and grow you for the better. While they are joyous events, they also feel like the rebirth of you as a person.

They mold you. They challenge you. They cause moments of frustration and doubt but are opportunities to bring you to the throne of God through prayer to ask for direction. These events make you realize that life is about so much more than living for yourself. Embrace the unfolding of changes, but do not be surprised when you go through periods of questioning your identity.

Sometimes you long for your past self, although one must remember to accept change as a new adventure and not run from it. Continue embracing who God created you to be in the chapter you are living now.

It is important to continue clinging to God and letting the unfolding of your identity be one that is focused on Him. You can keep a journal to process your thoughts, pursue new hobbies, and ensure that you take some time to follow your God-given talents and dreams.

Confide in your spouse as you process new chapters and new endeavors.

It is important to realize that you are never alone in your feelings. God is always with you, ready to hold your hand as you journey to new places and feel new things. It is also imperative that you confide in your spouse and work on building healthy communication patterns.

Healthy communication is talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is crying together, praying together, and helping one another when the other is feeling less than themselves. It is important to support your spouse as they process new chapters and to have their support as you process yours.

Realize some journeys might look different than you expected.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. – Douglas Adams

Some journeys have completely different scenery than what we anticipated.

• New moms do not anticipate postpartum depression.
• New marriages do not expect the honeymoon period to end and financial problems to arise.
• New parents do not expect it to be so difficult to find time to be intimate after the birth of a new child.
• You do not anticipate finding out that a close friend or family member has a terminal illness.

Some journeys have twists and turns that are difficult to navigate but have a way of changing us and drawing us closer to the presence of God. Some journeys help us realize just how much we value the support of our spouse.

Try to find the umbrella in the torrential downpour moments – those moments that offer a moment of relief during the chaos of life:

• The comfort and conversations with your spouse that ultimately strengthen your bond
• The realization of just how important family and quality time is
• The realization that God is always with you in whatever you are facing
• The power of prayer
• Having loved ones that are willing to be there for you as you face postpartum depression
• Being married to someone who wraps you in their arms on a difficult day and continues to remind you of your value and worth

If you are dealing with feeling like you have lost a part of yourself through a major or minor life change or you are facing a chapter that is difficult to navigate, know that you are not alone. You do not need to bottle up your feelings. Schedule a session together with a professional counselor who can help you navigate your feelings, help you take steps forward, and support you through this new chapter.

It was once said that “The best time for a new beginning is now.”

No matter what you are going through as you’re dealing with change, perhaps this is the start of a new you. One that is determined to process your feelings, cherish relationships, cling to God, and realize that life is about so much more than a job title or the amount of your income.

As Theodore Roosevelt so wisely reminded us, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

To move forward you must realize who and where you are now. You must acknowledge your past and how it impacted you, but also acknowledge who you are now and where you are headed. Priorities change, relationships evolve, jobs vary, but Jesus remains constant.

Today, I encourage you to start a journal. Write down your prayer requests, praises, and feelings. Write down your questions, hopes, and dreams. As you navigate new chapters in life, writing things down can serve as a testimony of how God is working in and through you. You will see miracles happen. You will see lives changed. You will see dreams altered.

As you process your feelings, I encourage you to ponder and embody these verses on trusting God through the changes and obstacles that come your way:

Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. – Psalm 33:20

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path. – Proverbs 3:5-6

The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts. – Psalm 28:7

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. – Psalm 56:3

Christian Counseling for Life Changes

If you’re dealing with change in your life, consider contacting our office to schedule a counseling appointment. We would be happy to walk with you as you navigate the changes you’re experiencing so you can do so as seamlessly, peacefully, and joyfully as possible with God’s help.