How to Fix a Toxic Relationship: 15 Steps that Can Help

Learning how to fix a toxic relationship is far from easy, but if you and your partner share a mutual desire for change and are committed to putting in the necessary effort to address your unhealthy patterns, it can be done. Following are some steps you can take to meet that goal.

How to fix a toxic relationship: 15 steps

Recognize the relationship is toxic.

The first step in how to fix a toxic relationship is to recognize and acknowledge that it is toxic and to have a desire to fix it.

Define your problems.

To fix something, you first need to understand why it is broken. Reflect on the timeline of your relationship and try to identify when, why, and how things started to go wrong. Make a list of what needs to change, and work on one small solution at a time.

Establish open, honest communication.

Learn to express your concerns without being judgmental or blaming, and to actively listen to your partner’s point of view without interrupting or getting defensive. Use “I” statements instead of “you” ones, and keep from raking up old issues or dwelling on the past.

Cultivate empathy and understanding.

Try to be empathetic and understanding of your partner’s perspective, what his or her underlying feelings and insecurities are, and what triggers them.

Take responsibility for your part.

Take time to self-reflect and look for how your actions may have contributed to the toxic dynamics of the relationship. Be willing to own up to your mistakes, apologize, and commit to work on positive change.

Make sure you’re on the same page.

For your toxic relationship to be rebuilt, both you and your partner need to have a vested interest in fixing it, want the same things going forward, be able to agree on what you need to work on to fix what’s wrong, and be willing to compromise where necessary.

Set boundaries.

Establish clear boundaries by defining what is acceptable and what is not, and nurture mutual respect.

Give your partner space to heal.

Instead of trying to fix or control your partner, keep the focus on yourself and on making the changes you need to make to be the best person you can be. Although you can’t change anyone except yourself, you can influence your partner by your own positive change.

Reinforce the positive.

Make an effort to reinforce the positives in your relationship, such as celebrating small victories, telling each other what you like and appreciate about each other, and engaging in activities that bring you happiness and laughter.

Be willing to forgive.

Forgiveness opens the way for healing emotional wounds and rebuilding a stronger bond between you.

Rebuild trust.

Work on rebuilding trust by keeping promises, being consistent, and following through on commitments.

Evaluate progress.

Regularly assess the progress of your efforts to ensure both of you are equally committed to change and to evaluate whether or not the toxicity in your relationship is continuing to improve.

Be patient.

Be patient with each other as you work toward fixing the toxic dynamics of your relationship. There is no quick fix. Rather, it is a process that takes time and persistent effort.

Learn to become emotionally independent.

Don’t let your partner’s actions dictate your mood. Set aside time for activities you enjoy such as hobbies, special interests, journaling, exercising, pampering yourself, and/or spending time with friends or loved ones who uplift you. Let your happiness come from within and from your relationship with God.

Be open to counseling.

One of the best ways to find an answer as to how to fix a toxic relationship is with the professional help and support of a trained mental health professional.

A counselor is an unbiased third party who can help you gain clarity and a deeper understanding of underlying issues and problematic patterns you may not have been able to spot on your own. They can also help you learn how to change them by teaching you how to communicate more effectively and work through conflict in a healthier, more effective way.

Christian counseling involves a combination of secular clinical interventions, Biblical principles, and prayer. If you would be interested in setting up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors in our online directory, please give us a call today. We would be happy to answer your questions and discuss how we can help you manage the challenges you are facing and walk you through the healing process.