Different Communication Styles: Do You Know Yours?

What are the different communication styles? A communication style is the way you express yourself and respond to other people. It includes your tone of voice, choice of words, facial expressions, and body language, and is typically influenced by the combination of your personality traits, cultural background, and life experiences.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. – Colossians 4:6, NIV

Although most people tend to have a primary communication style they automatically revert to, it is common to switch between different styles depending on the type of interaction, its context, and who they are speaking with.

How you say what you say is as important, if not more so, than the words you use, and will impact how it is received, understood, and/or accepted, which is why you need to know your communication style. Additionally, the more you understand the different communication styles, the more equipped you will be to tailor your approach to the style of the people you are speaking to and get your point across in the most effective way.

The five different communication styles.

Assertive communication style.

This is the ideal form of communication, both balanced and effective. Assertive communicators express themselves in a clear, direct, honest, confident way, and use “I” statements instead of making accusations or criticizing anyone. They respect the opinions of others and are active listeners, who listen intently to what the other person has to say.

Passive communication style.

Passive communicators tend to be people pleasers who try to avoid conflict and have trouble saying no. They avoid eye contact, lack confidence, are self-effacing, have trouble expressing themselves, and think that their thoughts don’t matter. As a result, they are known to make statements and immediately change them based on how others react to what they say.

Aggressive communication style.

Aggressive communicators lack tact and often come across as abrasive. They tend to dominate conversations, talk over others, voice their opinions without being asked, and disregard the feelings and/or rights of others. When addressing you they use intense eye contact and often make you feel as though they are encroaching on your personal space, and steamrolling or intimidating you.

Passive-aggressive communication style.

Passive-aggressive communicators don’t express their needs or feelings directly but rather try to make them known in indirect ways. They may, for example, seem agreeable on the surface, but act out anger or resentment by saying hurtful things under the guise of just joking around, muttering under their breath, being sarcastic, or rolling their eyes.

Manipulative communication style.

Manipulative communicators are shrewd and calculating and rarely say what they mean. They tend to have hidden agendas, are skilled at controlling, influencing, and taking advantage of others, and often use cunning and deceptive tactics to conceal their true intentions and get what they want.

How to improve your communication style.

• Practice active listening.
• Ask questions.
• Respond thoughtfully to what the other person is saying.
• Respect other people’s boundaries.
• Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
• Be patient and give the other person time to absorb and respond to what you say.
• Be respectful and open to feedback.

If you are struggling with communication issues and would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at Beverly Hills Christian Counseling in California, please give us a call.